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’ ‘Perhaps it’s just as well I don’t really understand what that means.’ Vic beamed and slapped her on the shoulder, almost knocking her out of her chair. ‘With humor like that you can’t be too bad.’ Hattie couldn’t understand why this clown from nowhere was assaulting her and accusing her of having a humor when she was livid at his scrawny, drunken and foul-mouthed mother defaming her and unjustly. She’d met the mother three years ago when she visited her parents in Chicago during Hattie’s final year at college. The father, although not there, would be civilized because he was American. In the drive to the city she asked, ‘Did you sail in that boat from your local port?’ ‘Ship.’ ‘Pardon me?’ ‘Boats are little things — big vessels traversing oceans are called ships.’ ‘Whatever.’ ‘I was flown to England for seven days and then my prize included sailing on the QE2 to New York.’ ‘Prize — you won a male beauty contest or something?’ ‘Ah, very droll.’ Vic beamed. ‘I know I’m good looking. I never get over the sensation of her erect nipples and silky skin rubbing on my chest as she massages the short hair on my head with both her small hands. The way she carefully spreads the smooth shaving cream so seriously trying to get the application just perfect, then deftly removing all traces of my beard. Donna takes the time to rinse off every last bubble floating on my now sanitary body. She dries me with the tenderness given a newborn baby. No man on earth deserves the total devotion that is bestowed on me each day. My God, how I love this woman. Role call 22:45 hours, the same each night, fifteen minutes of bullshit and start patrol at eleven. Tonight was no different, eight years on the job and I still hated the first fifteen minutes of work every night. Most of the guys enjoyed the grab ass crap before patrol, I just wanted to get to it. People are in need of our help and we were fucking around. The other guys all say, ‘Will just don’t have a sense of humor.’ Well, Will.
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